The Bitter Pill

I read a lot of articles on relationships and the single life.  I like to read different points of view and hear many opinions.  I also love to talk to people about the single life.  It's always great to be able to relate to others in life stages and talk about their different experiences, even if it's just to get a different perspective.  One thing I have learned in a lot of conversations and articles, there are a lot of bitter people out there.

Men are bitter that women "only like bad boys."  Women are bitter that "there are no more good guys left."  Chivalry is dead, there's no more singles my age left, men are jerks, women are picky, and that one person did me wrong so now everyone is just like them and will do the exact same thing... Lots and lots of bitterness.

Bitterness is a complicated thing.  You don't think it's there, and then suddenly someone brings up that person that did you wrong, or even talk about something that kinda-sorta is the same experience that you went through (just like when your friend brings up how she likes the pink purse in the window, which then of course gets you thinking of the pink nail polish that your friend in ninth grade wore when she stole your homecoming date).  It never makes sense how it can pop up so easily, but it always does.  It's a trap that we fall into, and the problem is, a lot of people are not fighting to get out again.

Bitterness is easy.  It's more acceptable, I mean it makes sense to be frustrated with situations and characteristics after bad endings to relationships or experiences.  It's easy to dwell on those things, instead of the positive, because deal with something, which then helps us move-on, usually means we have to be honest.  It wasn't that the was a total jerk, it was just that he wasn't into me.  It wasn't that all women don't like nice guys, it was the fact that that one woman did like you, the nice guy in front of her.  The truth is harder to handle and a bitter pill is easier to swallow.  

The Bible mentions bitterness in many ways, it mentions it as people's reactions (yes, bitterness is not a new thing...) and it mentions it as states of thinking that people are in.  Proverbs is always great for when it comes to straight to-the-point truths, and Proverbs 14:10 is one of those truths, "The heart knows it's own bitterness, and a stranger does not share it's joy."

We know why we are bitter, what we forget is what benefit it brings to our life.  Which is no benefit at all.  Bitterness will start eating at any joy we do have, and then from there it will work it's way into any potential joy we could have and it doesn't stop until there is nothing left.  No need to fret though.  There is a cure.  A good antidote to the bitter pill is grace and truth.  No one is perfect, there are nice guys out there, there are women that know what they want, and not everyone on this earth is out to get you.

Prayer and God's word help with realizing these truths.  After all God is the ultimate truth and He shows us perfect grace.  It also doesn't hurt to have the kind of friends that you can really count on to love on you.  You know those people in your life that love you so much, they know the right time to give you a figurative (or maybe not) swift kick in the you-know-what and tell you to cheer up, spit out the bitter pill, and move on. There are too many experiences in life to be had to let bitterness take you down.

Mourning the "what could have been."

I like country music.  There's a country song for almost everything that you can experience in life.  One song that showed me that was a song that come out a few years ago, at the perfect time.  It was called "A Little Bit Stronger" by Sara Evans.  It was a song about right after a break-up, how she is sad that it's over, but she knows it was the right thing.  It came out the same year I went through a break-up and I just remember agreeing with a lot of the song. I didn't realize how well I understood the song though, until I heard it again the other night.

For most women it is very easy for us dwell on the "what could have been," and though I'm not the most sensitive type of girl, I still fall victim to it.  I get in those moods, where you just sit and wonder what went wrong, what could have been done differently, and if we would have done it differently, would we still be together?  That's a dangerous place to be, because then we are at a point where we are literally mourning a life that never happened, nor would ever happen. 

Now there is nothing wrong with being sad when a relationship ends.  That can be a good thing.  You are sad that you lost a person that you really cared about, that's what makes us human.  It's the staying in the mourning period that is dangerous.  The dwelling in thoughts and day-dreaming of the life that was not never meant to happen, that doesn't help us continue on in life.  We should look back and see what we learned and what we can take away from relationships that will make us a better person, but then we have to put our feet on the ground and move to put those good lessons to use.

For me, it took a couple of years of going back and forth, in and out of friendship and/or relationship to finally come to the conclusion, that it was time to let go.  Though I had known for awhile that it was not meant to be, I fell back into the land of "what could have been" multiple times, and it only added trouble.  Thanks to the strength God provides me when I am weak, I didn't stay in mourning for very long.  I felt better, and then the other night I heard the Sara Evens song, "A little Bit Stronger."  Here are some of the lyrics:

"I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

Doesn't happen overnight but you turn around
And a month's gone by and you realize you haven't cried
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer
I'm busy getting stronger"

I realized it was OK that I had been sad, but that time has ended.  Now, it is time to be thankful.  I thank God that He is pointing me to something better in the future, and for directing my feet where they need to go.  There are reasons that a relationship doesn't work, and they usually are pretty good reasons.

One of my pastor's gave me a great piece of advice, saying any relationship that can be learned from, is a good relationship.  I completely agree, and looking back, I don't regret the experience at all.  I'm thankful for who that man was to me and I will never regret the time I spent in the relationship.  But now it is time to move forward.  Now it's time to get busy getting stronger. 



 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
 Lyrics found at: Sara Evans - A Little Bit Stronger Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Discouraging Moments of Singlehood

Oh, the single life.  It's a discouraging journey.  In this over-sharing culture of Facebook and twitter, it is easy to feel that everyone else is meeting new people and getting new significant others all of the time.  TV shows, LOVE to make it look so easy to meet and connect with new people, but here in real life, it's not.  You meet new people, you hit it off and have a great evening, and then you never hear from them again. 

What happened?!  Then the process starts, you try to think of everything you did and analyze everything from the evening and you end up realizing that you actually did everything wrong.  OK not really, but it's easy to feel that way, though that might just be my process...

Living in this stage of single life can sometimes be the most discouraging thing ever.  It is so much easier to think of everything we do wrong, wonder if there is something wrong with us, and then we end up just wanting to give up on the whole thing and just bury ourselves in work or really just anything that will occupy our thoughts and time.

This is a place I find myself often.  It's not easy for me to really connect with people, so when I connect with a guy and even exchange numbers, I get excited. Then a few days go by, then a week, and then I realize the hard truth that, that phone call or text message I've been hoping for is not going to happen.  I can shrug it off, because I do believe what is meant to be, will be, but there are still those thoughts of disappointment.

As I grow older, I work harder to not stay in that state of disappointment.  The truth that gives me the most comfort and hope is that my one foundation in life doesn't go anywhere just because my dating life seems to be non-existent.  My faith in Jesus doesn't have to falter because I know He loves me, He's there for me, and He cares for me more than any guy could. 

Matthew 6:26 and 27 says, "Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?"

Those verses cover so many worries in life, but for us singles, it should cover the dating life (or lack-there-of) as well.  So it's OK to be disappointed, but don't stay there.  Continue to live this crazy adventure called life, and just one day you might be surprised when at the right moment, after having that evening of great conversation and laughter, your phone rings.

Reflections of Luke 9:23-25

²³ Then He said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. ²⁴ For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it. ²⁵ For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and is himself destroyed or lost?  - Luke 9:23-25

My Pastor talked a little bit about this verse in church yesterday.  He shared about how Jesus called us to "take up his cross daily," and how that was not a wish-washy statement, but a way of life that Christ called us too.  I'm not very good at re-creating others' words so I will just share my own thoughts.

Jesus messages are hard to hear, even the people that heard the words straight from Jesus had a hard time accepting them.  In today's culture, it is taught to never deny yourself of anything and do what you want.  Jesus says the opposite. "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me."  That's not an easy task He is asking of us.  Cross' were made of solid wood and weighed over 300 pounds, and though Jesus did not literally mean for someone to carry around a large wooden cross, the picture that it painted comes out clear.  Following Jesus is no easy task.

Though this sounds discouraging, there is always hope.  Jesus also said that we could depend on Him to carry the load, and He technically already did.  He literally carried a 300 pound wooden cross and He literally carried all of our sins, worries, and burdens when He hung out the cross.  

So, even though the pull of culture and society gets stronger and stronger everyday and it is constantly taking us in the opposite way of the Word of God, this is a battle that we can never give up.  It will never be an easy or an even a fair fight, but Jesus' words never expire. He has already won the battle and will win the war, we just have to take up our cross, our lives and follow Him.

New Name and New Look

It's the end of the year.  It's a time of year of reflecting on the past year and focusing on the year to come.  For me personally, 2013 has not exactly been a headlining year.  Nothing major has happened, good or bad and I still have yet to accomplish some of the big goals I have set for myself.  In other words, I'm not sad 2013 is over. 

One goal I have set myself for the new year is to research, write, and use social media more.  I am on Twitter more and I am really enjoying the information that you can obtain in a single sitting, as well as sharing great articles on relationships, singleness, and my faith (you can follow me @kelliemk2).  One thing to help obtain that goal is to improve the look of this blog.  One of the ways to do that is to have the name match the URL.  Though the phrase "Such a time as this" is dear to my heart, I believe it is more of a personal statement rather then a name to write under. 

"My Heart of Clay" is a phrase that was inspired by Jeremiah 18:1-6.

"The word which came to Jeremiah from the Lord, saying: ² “Arise and go down to the potter’s house, and there I will cause you to hear My words.” ³ Then I went down to the potter’s house, and there he was, making something at the wheel. ⁴ And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter; so he made it again into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to make. ⁵ Then the word of the Lord came to me, saying: ⁶ “O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter?” says the Lord. “Look, as the clay is in the potter’s hand, so are you in My hand, O house of Israel!"

These verses bring me comfort.  Knowing that the difficult process of life is not an easy one, but it can turn out beautiful.  The greatest comfort in these verses though, is that God, the creator of the universe, takes care of me and that He has a plan and when it comes down to it, the best place in the universe is to be in His hands.

Though I have already received some bumps and bruises in this adventure called life, I know it's really only the beginning.  There is much more molding to take place, more heartache, as well as accomplishments, and then so much more that only God knows.  So now that 2013 is over, take a look back but only to learn from it.  It's time to move forward and though we never know what to expect, the Potter has some great plans ahead and He will always protect us and loves us.  Happy New Year!

Wait on the Lord?!

Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!  -Psalm 27:14

Waiting sucks.  Yes, I am aware that this is a very juvenile statement, but sometimes that is just the best way to describe it.  Waiting sucks.  The definition of the word wait, is "to remain inactive or in a state of repose, as until something expected happens."  What?!  Who wants to do that?  No one.  

Especially in today's culture, waiting is just not something we do well.  I sometimes believe that is one of the reasons I am late for everything.  I hate being early and having to wait on something or someone.  So when I received my email telling me what the "Verse of the Day" was, I couldn't help but sigh.  "Wait on the Lord." 


When you are single, "waiting" is a word that you learn well. I see my friends and peers around me get married and have families and there is a part of me that grows in frustration because for the first time in my life, I want that, but I am no where near it.  There are countless times that this bothers me. There are moments where I want to be that annoying kid that just lies on the ground and screams and hits my fist to the ground until my parent just gives in and gives me what I want.  But that was never something that worked for my parents, so I know it definitely would not work on my heavenly Father.

As I grow older though, I am realizing more and more the value of waiting.  It's usually a quiet time when you can sit and reflect on thoughts, events or even just a few moments of peace where you don't have to think about anything.  It's in those moments that you really get to know yourself better.  For myself, these are the moments when I realize there are goals that I want to accomplish.  Goals that I have a habit of pushing aside when there is a man in the picture, but when I'm 100% on my own, then there is nothing to distract me.

I can't forget the rest of the verse though, "...be of good courage and He shall strengthen your heart." My strength is given to me by the One that created me, as well as the rest of universe.  It will never run out, no matter how many times I feel it has.

Oh and just in case I forget (which I usually do), there it is again..."wait, I say, on the LORD."

Accepting Love.

"We accept the love we think we deserve."

When I heard this, it struck a cord.  I believe it to be true.  We think we deserve a type of love and care, so we settle for it, or we go from person to person looking for it.

The truth I find hope in though, is that God already gives us the love that HE believes we deserve.  He sent HIS Son to die for us.  Romans 5:8 says, "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."  

It's the ultimate love, love in it's truest form.  A love that has no selfish ambitions because it is a love that gives up everything.  It's a love that leaves perfection behind, goes to Earth where there is evil, hate, lost of innocence and so much more, dwells there for 30 some years, and then goes through the most horrible torture and death, for everyone that has ever and will ever be alive.  God's love for us is the truest, purist love that has and will ever be.  He even loves us knowing there would be some that would never reciprocate that love as well.  Jesus died for all.

So yes, we accept the love that we think we deserve.  The thing is, what we deserve is not what God has given us (we'd be in trouble if that were the case).  He has given us something infinitely better.  The creator of the universe has already given us the type of love through Jesus Christ, that only He can give... true, pure, unbiased, everlasting, forgiving, grace-filled love.  If we accept that kind of love into our lives, then we might be able to begin to understand what love really is.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting live.  For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that would through Him might be saved."