A Functioning Single

Dear People Who Think Marriage is the End-All-Be-All,

It's not.  We singles really do have our lives together and we do a pretty good job at successfully living without a spouse (for example I am surviving right now as I type this).  I understand that someone might have taught you this along the way, but they're wrong.

While you're learning that singles are functioning human beings, understand that those of us who may be in the age "when we should be getting married," are not married for good reasons.  That good reason can range from broken relationships, to not finding the right guy yet, to simply not wanting to get married yet and really no matter the reason, they are all good reasons. 

Please don't get me wrong, I have nothing against marriage. I believe it is a beautiful covenant shown to us by Jesus and the church and I pray that one day I will be able to make that commitment to a man.  I don't know when that will happen, and though I have those days where it seems like it will never happen, I know either way I'll be ok and that God is still good. 

A husband will not complete me.  It's just not possible for another human being to do that, they are imperfect. The only one that is perfect is Jesus and He is the only one that can complete me (Colossians 2:8-19). He has created me and when I accepted Him into my life He filled any incompleteness I had by what He did on the cross. He's not my husband, He is my foundation. Jesus is my end-all-be-all.

In closing, please understand, I know it can be easy to think that a spouse will fill the empty parts of your life. Heck, I'd love to have a guy to hang out with all the time, to go see action movies with and go on adventures exploring new places.  Someone who I could make-out with all the time and not have to worry about anything (what?! you don't think Christians think of that stuff?) and even someone who is there to talk to and encourage me at the end of the day, but I don't. There are days when that makes me sad, but most days it's ok. Tomorrow is a new day.  I still live a pretty good life and I'm still blessed with a lot of other things.  Being single is not what makes me, me. It is just where I am in my life, and I just happen to be "there" longer than others. I might even be "there" a lot longer, but that's ok, I'm still a functioning human.

So lets make a deal, you won't try to make me feel bad for still being single and I won't brag about still being able to make my own decisions and live my own life. Well actually I probably will.  I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree on this one.

Sincerely,

A Functioning Single

The Single Traveler

I've been single for most of my life, and when you've been single as long as I have, you pretty much know how to do the single life.  I can eat out by myself without feeling awkward, I'm an awesome third-wheel, and I'm perfectly content on being single (about 6 out of 7 days a week).  One thing I had never done though, was to just pick up and go on vacation and make all of my own plans. Until this year.

This year I started out with a journey to London.  It was completely spontaneous, like I decided to go on Tuesday and my flight left Friday night.  Now, I'm not as brave as some to just go somewhere by myself without having somewhere to stay.  Thankfully, I had great friends that let me stay with them on a moments notice (which is also the only reason I could afford the trip) and I love them for that.  It was one of the best decisions I've made in a long time.

I was so happy to spend time with my friends, but then they had to go to work and I had to figure out my days in a city I did not know.  So I picked some spots, figured out my path on the tube and roads, and just went.  It was so exhilarating! Just walking somewhere, not knowing if you will get lost or not, but just walking.  The best part was, if I did get lost, I would just find a map and figure out my way.  I always made it to where I was heading and I was able to go as fast or slow as I wanted, and just walk.  It was one of the most relaxing vacations I'd ever taken, and I kept busy the whole time exploring and walking.

The best revelation of the trip was though, is that I can do this!  I can do this single life stuff!  A part of me already knew that, but to actually go about and do it, just gives you that extra proof that all of us need.  This single life can get discouraging, it can get lonely, and most of all just plain frustrating ("Where are you spouse?!"), but one thing it's not, is it's not impossible.  We can do this!  We can walk through foreign cities and not get lost, we can travel hours on our own, we can stay in hotels by ourselves without crying ourselves to sleep, we can go to weddings and be the only single person there and still have fun!  We can do this!

I am the Single Traveler, just like many hundreds/thousands of others out there.  I can travel on my own and come out just fine, if not better.  I do pray for the day where I will have that special gentleman with me to make those memories and explore new things with me, but until then, I am that Single Traveler that can continue to explore and live this life God has given me.  There is too much out there to see and experience for me to miss it just because I'm single.  So I encourage you to be a Single Traveler.  Explore, create and experience life, because there is so much of it out there.  Take a friend with you or even stay with friends when you can, but never let your singleness get in the way of experiencing God's great Earth. 

Easter Hope

You know those days when it just seems like arrows are being shot at you left and right?  No matter what turn you make, there's another arrow waiting for you to to either put a hole in a plan or to just wound you.  This year has been like that for me. It just hasn't been a great year. 

Now I'm not going to pretend that I have it worse than everyone. I don't.  I'm pretty blessed considering what I've seen a lot of people have in this world. I have people that love me, I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and a few dollars in my pocket that allow me to eat every day. I am blessed, there is no doubt. 

The arrows still have taken their toll though.  I've been fighting the fight of faith.  Really, I feel like I've been fighting for everything.  One of the biggest fight's I've had this year at work was helping plan a large Easter Sunrise Service.  This was my fourth year helping with it, and it was probably the hardest (and that's saying something because I am not a planner so every year is difficult for me).  It wasn't just me though, everyone with the service fought for every plan and decision.  This was not the only difficulty in my life though, there was about 20 other things going on which made it a fight every day to not just lose it.

Then Easter came. I had little sleep, I was praying like crazy and worrying every other minute.  Then a crazy thing happened.  The service went flawlessly. I mean the kind where you keep wondering what you forgot because it's going TOO well, kind of flawless. I hadn't forgotten anything though.  Everything happened when it should. Not only that, it was the best year we've ever had. Record numbers in attendance, people loved the service and the best part of it all is that around 129 people accepted Jesus into their life.  This is the stuff you can't plan, you can only pray for it and watch what God does.  Those are the moments that make every ounce of sleep deprivation, stress and hard work, is worth it.

All of this reminded me that this is what the hope of Easter is all about.  For thousands of years, people had fought the fight of faith, waiting for the promised messiah. Then came Jesus, totally unexpected in an unexpected way, and He set us free.  He did not make new arrows to fire back at the thousands of arrows that were shot at Him.  Instead He created the ultimate shield of faith with words that would helps us fight back with love.  He was not what we wanted, the people wanted a warrior.  He was what we needed. He was the ultimate sacrifice for our sins so that we could have a real relationship with God.  He became our armor, shield, shoes, belt, helmet, sword and even our food and water.  He became our everything we would ever need.

This is my hope.  This is why I will always fight the fight of faith.  This may be a horrible year, but I will not stop fighting.  I may not be perfect at this Christian lifestyle, but I will not give up.  I may have bad days, months or even years, but I have hope in Christ.  And eternity in heaven will cancel out any bad year I have down here.

Easter helped show me some hope in an otherwise difficult year, and even if that hope is only as big as a lit candle, that is all I need to see in the dark.  That is all I need to take the next step of faith and keep fighting. 

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Bible References:  Ephesians 6:10-18, John 6:35, 1 Timothy 6:12, Matthew 26:26-28

Lessons of Rejection

We all experience some type of rejection in our lifetime.  Whether it's a no response to the note you passed in third grade (check yes or no), or that dreaded letter you receive from you university of choice, there is no easy part to rejection.  No matter how many times it happens, there's always that point where the world just seems to crumble around you.  

Some people experience more rejection than others.  Those of us in that category have the process down pat.  We wince in pain when we hear things like "when one door closes, another one opens", we develop plans of distraction so we don't have to think about it so much, and usually we either just tell everyone at once that the rejection happened or we hide it from the world by becoming pros at changing the subject whenever someone asks about it.  

I've become a pro at rejection.  I'm pretty confident that in my lifetime I have received a ton more "no's" then "yes'", but then I'm sure we all feel that way.  I get rejected a lot, but recently I received a rejection that really hit me hard. I'm a pessimist, and so like a any good pessimist, I always prepare for that "no", but when it comes to certain things in life, you can prepare all you want, but as soon as you see it in print, the pain still comes.

The surprising thing is that I think I have learned more from this rejection than any other in my life.  Here's a few things I've learned from rejection. 

•  There is a plan, and you might have no idea what that plan is, and it will probably take 10 years until you can look back and have that "eureka" moment where it all makes sense, but there is a plan.  Jeremiah 29:11 is overused, but it's still true, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'"  He's got a plan, you just have to have faith.

• It's important to have friends around you that don't give you sympathy.  Sympathy won't get you anywhere, but truthful love will.  Personally I respond best to tough love and I am blessed to have people around me that are very good at it.  They gave a word of encouragement and then a second later they asked what plan B was and the timeline for it.  There's a time for mourning and sympathy, but it shouldn't be a long time.  The longer you stay there, the more comfortable you become.  You need to have friends that look you in the eye and tell you to get moving.  If you don't have people around you that do that, you need better friends. 

• The next steps will show you your character.  Do you give up or do you learn from the rejection and move forward?  You might not see the next step in front of you, but you still have to take it.  Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. said "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." 

Rejection is something we all experience.  It's usually considered a bad thing, but honestly it can be the best thing that ever happened to you.  There have been plans that I set up that have been completely shut down on me, and today I can truthfully look back and praise God that they were.   My plan A's have been crushed, but there is always plan B, and then if that doesn't work, there's always C, D, E, F...  Don't let rejection crush you, because most times, it's simply that obstacle that you can overcome, and once you do, you are better for it.  

The New that Never Gets Old.

New beginnings, new chances, new adventures... it's time for a new year.  In our culture, we love new.  A new item comes out and we HAVE to have it (I mean there are lines for the new iPhone...).  New cars, new people, new significant other, new place, we are always looking for that new "new". 

As singles, it's easy to get the new adventures.  We have the freedom to look for a new special someone, new adventure, new job, and even a new location.  But then comes that feeling for something new that we can't always get so easily, the wanting for a spouse and even children.  We see our friends moving to that stage in life, and instead of loving the fact that we can go on vacation on the drop of a dime, we start wanting that companionship and responsibility of taking care of someone else.  That's a new that is (sometimes) out of our reach. 

For some of us that new feeling is a time for, well, something new.  It really could be time for a new job, location, or even to try a new way to meet that someone special.  For others, it's a feeling that we think we need to fill, but really just to overcome.  Either way, that new won't come immediately, which is when a new feeling comes, a feeling of defeat.  You start to feel complacent and frustrated.  You look to fill that feeling with other new stuff.  My favorite is clothes, I mean new clothes makes everything better?!  But then a day later the frustrated feelings are back and we're back to square one.

There is one truth that will help with all of it, God makes all things new.  Lamentations 3:22-23 says, "Through the LORD's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassion fail not.  They are new every morning, great is thy faithfulness." 

God already gives us the new slate, the new adventure, every day He makes us new.  His newness (I know it's not a word, but you know what I mean) is the only "new" that will fill the desire we feel.  He already makes us new every day, we just have to let Him.  The best part of it all?  His new never gets old. 

Happy NEW Year Folks!

Stylish not Fashionable

Fashion is everywhere, especially here in the U.S.  We live in a time where trends change as often as the seasons and it's more typical to go in debt for shoes then it is not too.  Fashion is everywhere, and it's hard to run away from, but you can ignore it, which is what I have done for most of my life.

I'll spare you the details of my horrible "fashion" decisions over the years, but I can tell you that it's not very pretty to look back on.  I would love to say that one day some people took it upon themselves to take me shopping and buy me a whole new wardrobe and from there I blossomed into a beautiful popular woman, but that only happens in movies, so my sense of style has developed the normal way.  Very slowly.  It's actually still in progress because, to tell you the truth, I've only recently cared about whats in style.  Whether it's the fact that I'm getting older, that I've figured out I've made a lot of very wrong style choices, or just that it's becoming an interest, I am wanting to learn more about fashion and all that goes with it.

Please don't get me wrong.  I am very aware that what we wear is not what makes us who we are as a person.  God calls us not to worry about what we wear or other things of this world, and though I can get too caught up in stuff from, I ultimately know that only God completes me and helps me become who I am meant to be.  I have simply developed an interest in looking nice, more mature, and I just like finding out whats stylish and seeing if it works for me or not. 

There is also a research aspect to it.  I have always believed a woman can dress modestly, but still be stylish, so what would that look like?  What are some styles that work best for my body type that would flatter me, rather than show off?  How does one stay stylish, but still have money for food as well?  These are all things I have wondered, and I think it's time I start finding out the answers.

So, My Heart of Clay is starting a new fashion venture.  My blog will not change too much in this venture, but my Instagram will.  You can follow me @KellieMK2 (sound familiar?  That's because that is my Twitter handle as well. Clever huh?!)  I'll take pictures here and there and add some money saving tips as well.  You won't have to worry about too many selfies either.  I'm horrible at taking selfies and I have no idea how fashion bloggers take such nice ones.

Wondering about my title?  My very fashionable AND stylish friend told me that I was "stylish but not really fashionable."  My first reaction was, "wait, what?!", but after a moment I realized that it was a compliment.  So I stole it and will continue to use it because as the late Oscar de la Renta said, "Fashion is about dressing according to what's fashionable. Style is more about being yourself."

Wonderfully Made, Whether we Think so or Not.

"For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb.  I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well." 
- Psalm 139:13-14

Psalm 139 is one of the many powerful sections of psalms.  It is jam packed with amazing words that describe how well God knows us and loves us.  Verses 13-14 are the verses used very frequently as a reminder of how well God knows and loves us and that though He is the King of kings and Lord of lords, He has a very full and detailed love for us.

I read this verse at a good time.  Recently it's been tough for me to look in the mirror and like what I see.  I won't get philosophical on you... a lot of it has to do with my looks.  The fact that I am fearfully and wonderfully made by the creator of the universe, was definitely a needed reminder, but the words that caught me the most were the last statement for verse 14, "and my soul knows it very well."  My soul, my very inner being that no one on this earth can explain or understand, already knows how amazing God's work is. 

We see how wonderful and beautiful the earth is, I mean we could go on for days, but then when it comes to ourselves (or even other people... yep, I just went there) we forget that the same God that made that beautiful scenery, made us. Deep down we know God sees us as wonderfully made, our brain just needs to get with the picture and understand that the simple knowledge we somehow have that God really does know what He's doing and that He does it very well, is right.  And we are part of that beautiful picture.