Discouraging Moments of Singlehood

Oh, the single life.  It's a discouraging journey.  In this over-sharing culture of Facebook and twitter, it is easy to feel that everyone else is meeting new people and getting new significant others all of the time.  TV shows, LOVE to make it look so easy to meet and connect with new people, but here in real life, it's not.  You meet new people, you hit it off and have a great evening, and then you never hear from them again. 

What happened?!  Then the process starts, you try to think of everything you did and analyze everything from the evening and you end up realizing that you actually did everything wrong.  OK not really, but it's easy to feel that way, though that might just be my process...

Living in this stage of single life can sometimes be the most discouraging thing ever.  It is so much easier to think of everything we do wrong, wonder if there is something wrong with us, and then we end up just wanting to give up on the whole thing and just bury ourselves in work or really just anything that will occupy our thoughts and time.

This is a place I find myself often.  It's not easy for me to really connect with people, so when I connect with a guy and even exchange numbers, I get excited. Then a few days go by, then a week, and then I realize the hard truth that, that phone call or text message I've been hoping for is not going to happen.  I can shrug it off, because I do believe what is meant to be, will be, but there are still those thoughts of disappointment.

As I grow older, I work harder to not stay in that state of disappointment.  The truth that gives me the most comfort and hope is that my one foundation in life doesn't go anywhere just because my dating life seems to be non-existent.  My faith in Jesus doesn't have to falter because I know He loves me, He's there for me, and He cares for me more than any guy could. 

Matthew 6:26 and 27 says, "Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?"

Those verses cover so many worries in life, but for us singles, it should cover the dating life (or lack-there-of) as well.  So it's OK to be disappointed, but don't stay there.  Continue to live this crazy adventure called life, and just one day you might be surprised when at the right moment, after having that evening of great conversation and laughter, your phone rings.

Reflections of Luke 9:23-25

²³ Then He said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. ²⁴ For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it. ²⁵ For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and is himself destroyed or lost?  - Luke 9:23-25

My Pastor talked a little bit about this verse in church yesterday.  He shared about how Jesus called us to "take up his cross daily," and how that was not a wish-washy statement, but a way of life that Christ called us too.  I'm not very good at re-creating others' words so I will just share my own thoughts.

Jesus messages are hard to hear, even the people that heard the words straight from Jesus had a hard time accepting them.  In today's culture, it is taught to never deny yourself of anything and do what you want.  Jesus says the opposite. "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me."  That's not an easy task He is asking of us.  Cross' were made of solid wood and weighed over 300 pounds, and though Jesus did not literally mean for someone to carry around a large wooden cross, the picture that it painted comes out clear.  Following Jesus is no easy task.

Though this sounds discouraging, there is always hope.  Jesus also said that we could depend on Him to carry the load, and He technically already did.  He literally carried a 300 pound wooden cross and He literally carried all of our sins, worries, and burdens when He hung out the cross.  

So, even though the pull of culture and society gets stronger and stronger everyday and it is constantly taking us in the opposite way of the Word of God, this is a battle that we can never give up.  It will never be an easy or an even a fair fight, but Jesus' words never expire. He has already won the battle and will win the war, we just have to take up our cross, our lives and follow Him.

New Name and New Look

It's the end of the year.  It's a time of year of reflecting on the past year and focusing on the year to come.  For me personally, 2013 has not exactly been a headlining year.  Nothing major has happened, good or bad and I still have yet to accomplish some of the big goals I have set for myself.  In other words, I'm not sad 2013 is over. 

One goal I have set myself for the new year is to research, write, and use social media more.  I am on Twitter more and I am really enjoying the information that you can obtain in a single sitting, as well as sharing great articles on relationships, singleness, and my faith (you can follow me @kelliemk2).  One thing to help obtain that goal is to improve the look of this blog.  One of the ways to do that is to have the name match the URL.  Though the phrase "Such a time as this" is dear to my heart, I believe it is more of a personal statement rather then a name to write under. 

"My Heart of Clay" is a phrase that was inspired by Jeremiah 18:1-6.

"The word which came to Jeremiah from the Lord, saying: ² “Arise and go down to the potter’s house, and there I will cause you to hear My words.” ³ Then I went down to the potter’s house, and there he was, making something at the wheel. ⁴ And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter; so he made it again into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to make. ⁵ Then the word of the Lord came to me, saying: ⁶ “O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter?” says the Lord. “Look, as the clay is in the potter’s hand, so are you in My hand, O house of Israel!"

These verses bring me comfort.  Knowing that the difficult process of life is not an easy one, but it can turn out beautiful.  The greatest comfort in these verses though, is that God, the creator of the universe, takes care of me and that He has a plan and when it comes down to it, the best place in the universe is to be in His hands.

Though I have already received some bumps and bruises in this adventure called life, I know it's really only the beginning.  There is much more molding to take place, more heartache, as well as accomplishments, and then so much more that only God knows.  So now that 2013 is over, take a look back but only to learn from it.  It's time to move forward and though we never know what to expect, the Potter has some great plans ahead and He will always protect us and loves us.  Happy New Year!

Wait on the Lord?!

Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!  -Psalm 27:14

Waiting sucks.  Yes, I am aware that this is a very juvenile statement, but sometimes that is just the best way to describe it.  Waiting sucks.  The definition of the word wait, is "to remain inactive or in a state of repose, as until something expected happens."  What?!  Who wants to do that?  No one.  

Especially in today's culture, waiting is just not something we do well.  I sometimes believe that is one of the reasons I am late for everything.  I hate being early and having to wait on something or someone.  So when I received my email telling me what the "Verse of the Day" was, I couldn't help but sigh.  "Wait on the Lord." 


When you are single, "waiting" is a word that you learn well. I see my friends and peers around me get married and have families and there is a part of me that grows in frustration because for the first time in my life, I want that, but I am no where near it.  There are countless times that this bothers me. There are moments where I want to be that annoying kid that just lies on the ground and screams and hits my fist to the ground until my parent just gives in and gives me what I want.  But that was never something that worked for my parents, so I know it definitely would not work on my heavenly Father.

As I grow older though, I am realizing more and more the value of waiting.  It's usually a quiet time when you can sit and reflect on thoughts, events or even just a few moments of peace where you don't have to think about anything.  It's in those moments that you really get to know yourself better.  For myself, these are the moments when I realize there are goals that I want to accomplish.  Goals that I have a habit of pushing aside when there is a man in the picture, but when I'm 100% on my own, then there is nothing to distract me.

I can't forget the rest of the verse though, "...be of good courage and He shall strengthen your heart." My strength is given to me by the One that created me, as well as the rest of universe.  It will never run out, no matter how many times I feel it has.

Oh and just in case I forget (which I usually do), there it is again..."wait, I say, on the LORD."

Accepting Love.

"We accept the love we think we deserve."

When I heard this, it struck a cord.  I believe it to be true.  We think we deserve a type of love and care, so we settle for it, or we go from person to person looking for it.

The truth I find hope in though, is that God already gives us the love that HE believes we deserve.  He sent HIS Son to die for us.  Romans 5:8 says, "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."  

It's the ultimate love, love in it's truest form.  A love that has no selfish ambitions because it is a love that gives up everything.  It's a love that leaves perfection behind, goes to Earth where there is evil, hate, lost of innocence and so much more, dwells there for 30 some years, and then goes through the most horrible torture and death, for everyone that has ever and will ever be alive.  God's love for us is the truest, purist love that has and will ever be.  He even loves us knowing there would be some that would never reciprocate that love as well.  Jesus died for all.

So yes, we accept the love that we think we deserve.  The thing is, what we deserve is not what God has given us (we'd be in trouble if that were the case).  He has given us something infinitely better.  The creator of the universe has already given us the type of love through Jesus Christ, that only He can give... true, pure, unbiased, everlasting, forgiving, grace-filled love.  If we accept that kind of love into our lives, then we might be able to begin to understand what love really is.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting live.  For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that would through Him might be saved." 

One sacrifice.

I am reading the old testament, to be specific, right now I am reading Leviticus.  A lot Leviticus is setting up laws and rules for the Israelites now that they are no longer under Egyptian rule and now that they have a covenant with God to go to the promised land.  While reading this, though I find it all very interesting (God thinks of everything!), I also find it exhausting.  There is so much for Moses and the priests to remember! There are sacrifices for almost every sin, and then the sacrifices are done a different way depending on who committed the sin, what the sacrifice is, and then of course how bad the sin was.  It's no wonder they wrote it all down, I mean remembering that all of that would be crazy.  

While I'm reading all of this, thinking how many different ways you can make a sacrifice and how many rituals they had to remember, I realized the amazing truth, that Jesus did all of that for us.  Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice so that we would not have to go out and find the perfect goat or bird or lamb every time we lied (could you even imagine what that would be like today, I mean health code regulators would have a field day).  

He was the perfect lamb of God.  He was the ultimate and perfect sacrifice, so much so that we no longer have to remember what sacrifice goes with what sin, we just have to realize and remember His sacrifice and then ask Him for forgiveness.  That's amazing!  What a loving, wise and wonderful Father, that He would provide one perfect way for us to be completely forgiven. 

John 1:29
The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him, and said, “Behold! The Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!

Hebrews 10:1-10
10 For the law, having a shadow of the good things to come, and not the very image of the things, can never with these same sacrifices, which they offer continually year by year, make those who approach perfect. ² For then would they not have ceased to be offered? For the worshipers, once purified, would have had no more consciousness of sins. ³ But in those sacrifices there is a reminder of sins every year. ⁴ For it is not possible that the blood of bulls and goats could take away sins.

⁵ Therefore, when He came into the world, He said:

“Sacrifice and offering You did not desire,
But a body You have prepared for Me.
⁶ In burnt offerings and sacrifices for sin
You had no pleasure.
⁷ Then I said, ‘Behold, I have come—
In the volume of the book it is written of Me—
To do Your will, O God.’”

⁸ Previously saying, “Sacrifice and offering, burnt offerings, and offerings for sin You did not desire, nor had pleasure in them” (which are offered according to the law), ⁹ then He said, “Behold, I have come to do Your will, O God.”  He takes away the first that He may establish the second. ¹⁰ By that will we have been sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.

Singles have feelings too...

Some day's are just good days.  You feel good, you feel confident, you don't think about being single, you are focused and ready to conquer whatever life throws at you.  And then BAM!  Someone comes up to you, asks you if you have someone special in your life, then when you say no, they say something like, "Oh...  Well someone will come along soon, it'll happen when least expect it."  Well thank you married person, I probably would be able to not except it so much if people would just stop asking me about it!

Ok, so that's not really a good response to the comment, but lets be honest, that is what you would like to say (well that's at least what I would like to say...).  

Though many people mean the best when they are making comments like that, as singles it doesn't always feel like it.  I know for me, one of the most dreaded questions is, "are you seeing anyone?" (unless an attractive single guy is asking that, then it's a great question...)  I have literally told some of my friends that if the answer to that question changes, I promise I will let you know, but until then, please don't ask. 

An article on this subject was recently published in my favorite online/print magazines, Relevant Magazine.  The article was titled, "What Not to Say to Singles."  The list of three comments sounded very familiar, and honestly there could have been 30 more comments to talk about, but nobody has time for that.  It was a great article and it was nice to read that I am not alone, and almost 6,000 other people seemed to agree.  Below is one of my favorite quotes from the author, Debra Fileta, that really encouraged me, and will hopefully touch a cord on people that view singleness as an unfortunate event.

"Rather than try to make singles forget about their singleness, we need to challenge them to keep it in mind, yet not allow it to cause them to lose sight of all else. Embracing singleness has nothing to do with forgetting the destination toward marriage and everything to do with enjoying the ride."

Fileta recognized how needed information like this is and went ahead and wrote a fantastic article on "How to Love on Singles" on her website, truelovedates.com.  I would really like to encourage singles and non-singles alike to read it.  It helps us all recognize that there are other ways to encourage, and that we really are all in this together, single or not.