Construction Zone

There are two ideal life-situations that are continually in the back of my mind.

- A nomadic life of travel, writing, and serving in other countries.

- The stable life with my own home, husband, and a job that is exactly what I dream of.

Right now, I have neither.
Right now, I'm a work-in-progress.

When I think of a work in progress, I think of the construction zones that I walk by on my way to work every day.  That place is annoying.  There is always dirt everywhere, it's loud, and sometimes they even block the sidewalk for who-knows-what reason so I'm forced to find another way, and it doesn't even look like they'll be done any time soon.  On top of that, with most construction zones, I always feel like eyes are on me as I walk by. I'm just not a fan.

That's pretty much what I feel like life is like right now.  I'm in this in-between stage of construction where everything is a work-in-progress.  I'm almost done with grad-school, but I still have two semesters to go, so no dream job yet.  I'm going out on dates here-and-there, but no official relationship, so no husband.  I have to work, so I can't travel as much as I would like, so no nomad life yet, but I'm also not settled.  I don't know where I'm going or where I'll end up, but I also know people are watching and waiting to see what happens next.  Which is a question I ask every day, because I don't know.  All I know, is that I have to just keep going, keep working.

There are days where that question weighs heavy on my heart, but then there are days where I remember the promise that God gave me.  "I'll take care of you."  He has shown that to me at my lowest points.  His Word serves as a reminder, that he'll take care of me. 

26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. 

Matthew 6:26-27, 34

So I don't know which life I'll end up living, or even how long this construction phase will last, but I do know that if I focus on it one day at a time, trusting God, and working hard, then I might just get through zone.  I might just find a life that I haven't even thought of, but God did, and He planned it perfectly (it's what He does).

So even though I have to walk through the construction zone every day, there is something that I can look forward. See, the construction zone will one day be a Trader Joes, and from what I hear about Trader Joes, it just might be worth the all of the dirt and noise. 

Lon, the Dependable Guy

On Friday night, a few of my friends and I finished out an outdoor movie season with the ultimate chick-flick, The Notebook.  We've all seen it a million times, and each time we swoon and cry to the romantic love story between Noah and Allie.  I mean, what woman doesn't dream of the day when the man of the dreams says lines like:

"So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday."  - Noah

Yep, SWOON.

But my friends and I noticed something different this time. We've always paid attention to Noah and his crazy passion for Allie, but now that we're all in our late 20's, early 30's, there was another character that doesn't get enough credit, Lon Hammond Jr.

Lon is the guy that Allie get's engaged too, and (spoiler alert) the one that ultimately get's left behind in the dust of Noah and Allie's "true love".  But when we were talking about the different guys, it was unanimous, Lon was the one we would all choose, because Lon was the dependable guy.

Lon Hammond Jr, was the faithful PI that asked Allie out as she cared for him.  He then followed-up on that date after he recovered and pursued her and asked her to be his wife.  He was the dependable guy.  He was there for her, which was shown through the fact he stopped a work meeting for her, called around for her when she ran to spy on Noah, and ultimately supported her even though she cheated on him.  They didn't fight and hit each other (which FYI - is NOT healthy) and they didn't make-out in the streets, but he supported her and wanted the best for her.  But she chose Noah.

There's a flaw in this kind of thinking.  Ultimately it did work out well for Noah and Allie as we see them grow-old together, but in real life, that is not always the case.  Hollywood and fairy tales tell us that we need those "fireworks", but the problem with fireworks is that they explode and then they're done.  Other times they don't go off or even explode unexpectedly leaving people with burns or missing fingers.  They are simply unreliable.

As I've grown older, I have come to appreciate the dependable.  I don't need a guy to send me flowers, I need him to show-up.  I don't need a man to write me poems, I need him to call me when he says he will.  I need to know that he'll be around the next day, no matter what.  I don't want the fireworks, I just want the fire. Fires, specifically bonfires, are more dependable.  Once they are lit, you just have to maintain them.  Even when it looks like the fire is dead, all you have to do is stir up the embers, add a few logs, and the fire will burn bright again.

I know the movie would not have been nearly as romantic if Allie chose the dependable guy, but in real life that is the kind of romance I pray for, the one with the dependable guy.  Some may say that I would be settling, but when I find my match, I'm in it for the long run.  So it may not be a movie worthy romance, but it will be a story that people will remember, for generations to come.

Moments

When you’ve been single for awhile, it can become more and more difficult to be happy for major milestones in your friends lives.  Engagements, marriages, babies, even someone getting a new boyfriend can be a ping to the heart.  After so many pings, it get’s harder and harder to not stop every time it happens. 

But that’s ok.  Take your moment.

Then comes the “encouragement”. “Your moment will come when you you’re not thinking about it.” How that’s possible I will never know because honestly, how will you not think about it, especially when the same people that say statements like that are the ones that continually ask you if you’ve met someone.   Unfortunately, those moments just add another ping, another quick shock of pain. 

There are moments that will help get through the pings though.  Those are the moments I cherish more than any date I’ve ever been on. My moments include a spontaneous trip to London to see friends, and explore the city on my own discovering that exploring a city on my own is actually pretty fun; going to the beach for the friends wedding and spending part of the day (before the wedding) on the beach, just you in your dress and the ocean.   Moments, when you walk home from work in a new(ish) city just because you can and moments when you finally put together your new bed in your new apartment, all by yourself. 

Those moments… those are the moments that will get you through the pings.  They help remind you that you can do this single life.  Not everyone can have those moments, but you can. So take your moment to catch your breath when you see that engagement picture of your friend that’s years younger than you.  But then remember the moment that you have yet to have, when you buy that ticket to visit a friend in NYC; or that moment when you are comfortable and confident enough to sit outside with your favorite drink, just you and the sunset.  Those are the moments that can help you get through anything. 

The Gift of Singleness

"Singleness is a gift."

It's one of those statements that singles hear that makes us cringe, roll our eyes, and usually grumble under our breath, "great, then where can I return it?"

It's definitely a statement I've never enjoyed hearing.  I always felt it was a statement that those in a relationship used to try to make us feel better for not being in a relationship (side note: it doesn't work). 

The statement is one I've fought against, until I heard it in a sermon to singles.  The pastor did what good pastor's do and backed it up the statement with scripture.  

7 Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that.
8 But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. ...  - 1 Corinthians 7:7-8 

There it is, "gift from God." Now I don't know about you, but this is when I get in scholarly mode. Surely the word "gift" here does not mean how we see the word gift. Surely the word gift here means something else in the original greek. So I looked it up.  

The word "gift" here is charisma in greek. It means, " a (divine) gratuity, i.e. deliverance (from danger or passion); (specially), a (spiritual) endowment, or (objectively) miraculous faculty:—(free) gift." [found from Blue Letter Bible].  It's a free gift, and yes it's a gift from God. But no, it's not what we think whenever people say this statement to us. It's not a verse used to make us feel bad for not enjoying our singleness.  It's a statement that Paul used to encourage those who are single.  

That same use of "gift" here is seen in around 17 other verses.  One of those verses is Romans 6:23, 

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

It's the same word, charisma.  A free gift, a deliverance.  God gives us gifts all of the time.  The ultimate gift He gave us was eternal life through His Son, Jesus Christ.  With it being Christmas time, it's easy to forget that He first introduced His gift to us through a baby, in a poor town, born to poor people in a stable.  Though our singleness doesn't seem like a great gift now, there are moments where it has great value, and there may even be a time where you look back and realize that it was a time of growth that you would not have gotten any other way.

So next time someone asks you if you are seeing someone, and you have to give that dreaded "no" response, and then they say "aww, well singleness is a gift."  Smile, say thanks, and if you feel extra spicy that day, feel free to respond with a "if only you could be so lucky."

It's time.

Such a Time As This.

This phrase comes from Esther 4:14, "And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this."  It's one of my favorite books in the Bible for that line right there.  It's said by a man trusting God that his cousin can make a difference and save God's people, by simply being right where God put her and stepping out in courage and in faith, to ask the king to not let a mass genocide take place. Once Mordecai asked Esther to step out in faith, she prayed, agreed and took action.  Esther respectively asked and the king cancelled the order to kill them, and the Jewish people were saved.

That line was not just said for Esther though, for me personally, it's a reminder that God has me where He wants me.  I was made to live this life He gave me, for Him, with everything I have. I was made for such a time as this.

Nothing has taught me more than working at my church for the past 5.5 years. If you knew me before, you would have known that I never planned on working in a church, let alone in ministry.  God had a plan though, and His plan took me to a church that I had just started attending, to work with pastors who I hardly knew, to do a job I didn't know I could do.  Over the years I have done life with these people.  I have seen their children grow, and have seen changes and growth take place. The stuff they have seen me through though, I could not have done with out them.  They have seen me through major break-ups, depression, general quarter-life crisis stuff, and so many other things that would make this post way too long.  I have laughed, cried and talked with these people. I have also grown, learned, and been stretched in ways I could never think of.  These people are my family. A family that I was not born with, that I don't deserve, but that I needed.

September 27 was my last Sunday working at my church.  After 5.5 years, it's time to for a new adventure.  I'm stepping out in faith, and I know God has it all worked out.  I don't know what He has planned, I just know that He does have a plan.  He loves His people and there are promises after promises that He'll take care of us.  He creates paths in the dessert and roads where there are none, but He doesn't just send you off without any tools or knowledge.  God gives you people and experiences that help you create faith, wisdom and courage. They have helped me grow in such a way that it gave me courage to finally step out of the boat.  Now if I just keep my eyes on Jesus, I'll be able to walk on water.

Mordecai believed in Esther. He believed she could make a difference, and he had faith that God knew exactly what He was doing by putting Esther where she was.  My pastors and my church are my Mordecai's. They have believed in me, and now it's time for me to take action, in such a time as this.

A Functioning Single

Dear People Who Think Marriage is the End-All-Be-All,

It's not.  We singles really do have our lives together and we do a pretty good job at successfully living without a spouse (for example I am surviving right now as I type this).  I understand that someone might have taught you this along the way, but they're wrong.

While you're learning that singles are functioning human beings, understand that those of us who may be in the age "when we should be getting married," are not married for good reasons.  That good reason can range from broken relationships, to not finding the right guy yet, to simply not wanting to get married yet and really no matter the reason, they are all good reasons. 

Please don't get me wrong, I have nothing against marriage. I believe it is a beautiful covenant shown to us by Jesus and the church and I pray that one day I will be able to make that commitment to a man.  I don't know when that will happen, and though I have those days where it seems like it will never happen, I know either way I'll be ok and that God is still good. 

A husband will not complete me.  It's just not possible for another human being to do that, they are imperfect. The only one that is perfect is Jesus and He is the only one that can complete me (Colossians 2:8-19). He has created me and when I accepted Him into my life He filled any incompleteness I had by what He did on the cross. He's not my husband, He is my foundation. Jesus is my end-all-be-all.

In closing, please understand, I know it can be easy to think that a spouse will fill the empty parts of your life. Heck, I'd love to have a guy to hang out with all the time, to go see action movies with and go on adventures exploring new places.  Someone who I could make-out with all the time and not have to worry about anything (what?! you don't think Christians think of that stuff?) and even someone who is there to talk to and encourage me at the end of the day, but I don't. There are days when that makes me sad, but most days it's ok. Tomorrow is a new day.  I still live a pretty good life and I'm still blessed with a lot of other things.  Being single is not what makes me, me. It is just where I am in my life, and I just happen to be "there" longer than others. I might even be "there" a lot longer, but that's ok, I'm still a functioning human.

So lets make a deal, you won't try to make me feel bad for still being single and I won't brag about still being able to make my own decisions and live my own life. Well actually I probably will.  I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree on this one.

Sincerely,

A Functioning Single

The Single Traveler

I've been single for most of my life, and when you've been single as long as I have, you pretty much know how to do the single life.  I can eat out by myself without feeling awkward, I'm an awesome third-wheel, and I'm perfectly content on being single (about 6 out of 7 days a week).  One thing I had never done though, was to just pick up and go on vacation and make all of my own plans. Until this year.

This year I started out with a journey to London.  It was completely spontaneous, like I decided to go on Tuesday and my flight left Friday night.  Now, I'm not as brave as some to just go somewhere by myself without having somewhere to stay.  Thankfully, I had great friends that let me stay with them on a moments notice (which is also the only reason I could afford the trip) and I love them for that.  It was one of the best decisions I've made in a long time.

I was so happy to spend time with my friends, but then they had to go to work and I had to figure out my days in a city I did not know.  So I picked some spots, figured out my path on the tube and roads, and just went.  It was so exhilarating! Just walking somewhere, not knowing if you will get lost or not, but just walking.  The best part was, if I did get lost, I would just find a map and figure out my way.  I always made it to where I was heading and I was able to go as fast or slow as I wanted, and just walk.  It was one of the most relaxing vacations I'd ever taken, and I kept busy the whole time exploring and walking.

The best revelation of the trip was though, is that I can do this!  I can do this single life stuff!  A part of me already knew that, but to actually go about and do it, just gives you that extra proof that all of us need.  This single life can get discouraging, it can get lonely, and most of all just plain frustrating ("Where are you spouse?!"), but one thing it's not, is it's not impossible.  We can do this!  We can walk through foreign cities and not get lost, we can travel hours on our own, we can stay in hotels by ourselves without crying ourselves to sleep, we can go to weddings and be the only single person there and still have fun!  We can do this!

I am the Single Traveler, just like many hundreds/thousands of others out there.  I can travel on my own and come out just fine, if not better.  I do pray for the day where I will have that special gentleman with me to make those memories and explore new things with me, but until then, I am that Single Traveler that can continue to explore and live this life God has given me.  There is too much out there to see and experience for me to miss it just because I'm single.  So I encourage you to be a Single Traveler.  Explore, create and experience life, because there is so much of it out there.  Take a friend with you or even stay with friends when you can, but never let your singleness get in the way of experiencing God's great Earth.