Moments

When you’ve been single for awhile, it can become more and more difficult to be happy for major milestones in your friends lives.  Engagements, marriages, babies, even someone getting a new boyfriend can be a ping to the heart.  After so many pings, it get’s harder and harder to not stop every time it happens. 

But that’s ok.  Take your moment.

Then comes the “encouragement”. “Your moment will come when you you’re not thinking about it.” How that’s possible I will never know because honestly, how will you not think about it, especially when the same people that say statements like that are the ones that continually ask you if you’ve met someone.   Unfortunately, those moments just add another ping, another quick shock of pain. 

There are moments that will help get through the pings though.  Those are the moments I cherish more than any date I’ve ever been on. My moments include a spontaneous trip to London to see friends, and explore the city on my own discovering that exploring a city on my own is actually pretty fun; going to the beach for the friends wedding and spending part of the day (before the wedding) on the beach, just you in your dress and the ocean.   Moments, when you walk home from work in a new(ish) city just because you can and moments when you finally put together your new bed in your new apartment, all by yourself. 

Those moments… those are the moments that will get you through the pings.  They help remind you that you can do this single life.  Not everyone can have those moments, but you can. So take your moment to catch your breath when you see that engagement picture of your friend that’s years younger than you.  But then remember the moment that you have yet to have, when you buy that ticket to visit a friend in NYC; or that moment when you are comfortable and confident enough to sit outside with your favorite drink, just you and the sunset.  Those are the moments that can help you get through anything. 

The Gift of Singleness

"Singleness is a gift."

It's one of those statements that singles hear that makes us cringe, roll our eyes, and usually grumble under our breath, "great, then where can I return it?"

It's definitely a statement I've never enjoyed hearing.  I always felt it was a statement that those in a relationship used to try to make us feel better for not being in a relationship (side note: it doesn't work). 

The statement is one I've fought against, until I heard it in a sermon to singles.  The pastor did what good pastor's do and backed it up the statement with scripture.  

7 Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that.
8 But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. ...  - 1 Corinthians 7:7-8 

There it is, "gift from God." Now I don't know about you, but this is when I get in scholarly mode. Surely the word "gift" here does not mean how we see the word gift. Surely the word gift here means something else in the original greek. So I looked it up.  

The word "gift" here is charisma in greek. It means, " a (divine) gratuity, i.e. deliverance (from danger or passion); (specially), a (spiritual) endowment, or (objectively) miraculous faculty:—(free) gift." [found from Blue Letter Bible].  It's a free gift, and yes it's a gift from God. But no, it's not what we think whenever people say this statement to us. It's not a verse used to make us feel bad for not enjoying our singleness.  It's a statement that Paul used to encourage those who are single.  

That same use of "gift" here is seen in around 17 other verses.  One of those verses is Romans 6:23, 

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

It's the same word, charisma.  A free gift, a deliverance.  God gives us gifts all of the time.  The ultimate gift He gave us was eternal life through His Son, Jesus Christ.  With it being Christmas time, it's easy to forget that He first introduced His gift to us through a baby, in a poor town, born to poor people in a stable.  Though our singleness doesn't seem like a great gift now, there are moments where it has great value, and there may even be a time where you look back and realize that it was a time of growth that you would not have gotten any other way.

So next time someone asks you if you are seeing someone, and you have to give that dreaded "no" response, and then they say "aww, well singleness is a gift."  Smile, say thanks, and if you feel extra spicy that day, feel free to respond with a "if only you could be so lucky."