Mourning the "what could have been."

I like country music.  There's a country song for almost everything that you can experience in life.  One song that showed me that was a song that come out a few years ago, at the perfect time.  It was called "A Little Bit Stronger" by Sara Evans.  It was a song about right after a break-up, how she is sad that it's over, but she knows it was the right thing.  It came out the same year I went through a break-up and I just remember agreeing with a lot of the song. I didn't realize how well I understood the song though, until I heard it again the other night.

For most women it is very easy for us dwell on the "what could have been," and though I'm not the most sensitive type of girl, I still fall victim to it.  I get in those moods, where you just sit and wonder what went wrong, what could have been done differently, and if we would have done it differently, would we still be together?  That's a dangerous place to be, because then we are at a point where we are literally mourning a life that never happened, nor would ever happen. 

Now there is nothing wrong with being sad when a relationship ends.  That can be a good thing.  You are sad that you lost a person that you really cared about, that's what makes us human.  It's the staying in the mourning period that is dangerous.  The dwelling in thoughts and day-dreaming of the life that was not never meant to happen, that doesn't help us continue on in life.  We should look back and see what we learned and what we can take away from relationships that will make us a better person, but then we have to put our feet on the ground and move to put those good lessons to use.

For me, it took a couple of years of going back and forth, in and out of friendship and/or relationship to finally come to the conclusion, that it was time to let go.  Though I had known for awhile that it was not meant to be, I fell back into the land of "what could have been" multiple times, and it only added trouble.  Thanks to the strength God provides me when I am weak, I didn't stay in mourning for very long.  I felt better, and then the other night I heard the Sara Evens song, "A little Bit Stronger."  Here are some of the lyrics:

"I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

Doesn't happen overnight but you turn around
And a month's gone by and you realize you haven't cried
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer
I'm busy getting stronger"

I realized it was OK that I had been sad, but that time has ended.  Now, it is time to be thankful.  I thank God that He is pointing me to something better in the future, and for directing my feet where they need to go.  There are reasons that a relationship doesn't work, and they usually are pretty good reasons.

One of my pastor's gave me a great piece of advice, saying any relationship that can be learned from, is a good relationship.  I completely agree, and looking back, I don't regret the experience at all.  I'm thankful for who that man was to me and I will never regret the time I spent in the relationship.  But now it is time to move forward.  Now it's time to get busy getting stronger. 



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 Lyrics found at: Sara Evans - A Little Bit Stronger Lyrics | MetroLyrics