The Gift of Singleness

"Singleness is a gift."

It's one of those statements that singles hear that makes us cringe, roll our eyes, and usually grumble under our breath, "great, then where can I return it?"

It's definitely a statement I've never enjoyed hearing.  I always felt it was a statement that those in a relationship used to try to make us feel better for not being in a relationship (side note: it doesn't work). 

The statement is one I've fought against, until I heard it in a sermon to singles.  The pastor did what good pastor's do and backed it up the statement with scripture.  

7 Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that.
8 But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. ...  - 1 Corinthians 7:7-8 

There it is, "gift from God." Now I don't know about you, but this is when I get in scholarly mode. Surely the word "gift" here does not mean how we see the word gift. Surely the word gift here means something else in the original greek. So I looked it up.  

The word "gift" here is charisma in greek. It means, " a (divine) gratuity, i.e. deliverance (from danger or passion); (specially), a (spiritual) endowment, or (objectively) miraculous faculty:—(free) gift." [found from Blue Letter Bible].  It's a free gift, and yes it's a gift from God. But no, it's not what we think whenever people say this statement to us. It's not a verse used to make us feel bad for not enjoying our singleness.  It's a statement that Paul used to encourage those who are single.  

That same use of "gift" here is seen in around 17 other verses.  One of those verses is Romans 6:23, 

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

It's the same word, charisma.  A free gift, a deliverance.  God gives us gifts all of the time.  The ultimate gift He gave us was eternal life through His Son, Jesus Christ.  With it being Christmas time, it's easy to forget that He first introduced His gift to us through a baby, in a poor town, born to poor people in a stable.  Though our singleness doesn't seem like a great gift now, there are moments where it has great value, and there may even be a time where you look back and realize that it was a time of growth that you would not have gotten any other way.

So next time someone asks you if you are seeing someone, and you have to give that dreaded "no" response, and then they say "aww, well singleness is a gift."  Smile, say thanks, and if you feel extra spicy that day, feel free to respond with a "if only you could be so lucky."

It's time.

Such a Time As This.

This phrase comes from Esther 4:14, "And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this."  It's one of my favorite books in the Bible for that line right there.  It's said by a man trusting God that his cousin can make a difference and save God's people, by simply being right where God put her and stepping out in courage and in faith, to ask the king to not let a mass genocide take place. Once Mordecai asked Esther to step out in faith, she prayed, agreed and took action.  Esther respectively asked and the king cancelled the order to kill them, and the Jewish people were saved.

That line was not just said for Esther though, for me personally, it's a reminder that God has me where He wants me.  I was made to live this life He gave me, for Him, with everything I have. I was made for such a time as this.

Nothing has taught me more than working at my church for the past 5.5 years. If you knew me before, you would have known that I never planned on working in a church, let alone in ministry.  God had a plan though, and His plan took me to a church that I had just started attending, to work with pastors who I hardly knew, to do a job I didn't know I could do.  Over the years I have done life with these people.  I have seen their children grow, and have seen changes and growth take place. The stuff they have seen me through though, I could not have done with out them.  They have seen me through major break-ups, depression, general quarter-life crisis stuff, and so many other things that would make this post way too long.  I have laughed, cried and talked with these people. I have also grown, learned, and been stretched in ways I could never think of.  These people are my family. A family that I was not born with, that I don't deserve, but that I needed.

September 27 was my last Sunday working at my church.  After 5.5 years, it's time to for a new adventure.  I'm stepping out in faith, and I know God has it all worked out.  I don't know what He has planned, I just know that He does have a plan.  He loves His people and there are promises after promises that He'll take care of us.  He creates paths in the dessert and roads where there are none, but He doesn't just send you off without any tools or knowledge.  God gives you people and experiences that help you create faith, wisdom and courage. They have helped me grow in such a way that it gave me courage to finally step out of the boat.  Now if I just keep my eyes on Jesus, I'll be able to walk on water.

Mordecai believed in Esther. He believed she could make a difference, and he had faith that God knew exactly what He was doing by putting Esther where she was.  My pastors and my church are my Mordecai's. They have believed in me, and now it's time for me to take action, in such a time as this.

A Functioning Single

Dear People Who Think Marriage is the End-All-Be-All,

It's not.  We singles really do have our lives together and we do a pretty good job at successfully living without a spouse (for example I am surviving right now as I type this).  I understand that someone might have taught you this along the way, but they're wrong.

While you're learning that singles are functioning human beings, understand that those of us who may be in the age "when we should be getting married," are not married for good reasons.  That good reason can range from broken relationships, to not finding the right guy yet, to simply not wanting to get married yet and really no matter the reason, they are all good reasons. 

Please don't get me wrong, I have nothing against marriage. I believe it is a beautiful covenant shown to us by Jesus and the church and I pray that one day I will be able to make that commitment to a man.  I don't know when that will happen, and though I have those days where it seems like it will never happen, I know either way I'll be ok and that God is still good. 

A husband will not complete me.  It's just not possible for another human being to do that, they are imperfect. The only one that is perfect is Jesus and He is the only one that can complete me (Colossians 2:8-19). He has created me and when I accepted Him into my life He filled any incompleteness I had by what He did on the cross. He's not my husband, He is my foundation. Jesus is my end-all-be-all.

In closing, please understand, I know it can be easy to think that a spouse will fill the empty parts of your life. Heck, I'd love to have a guy to hang out with all the time, to go see action movies with and go on adventures exploring new places.  Someone who I could make-out with all the time and not have to worry about anything (what?! you don't think Christians think of that stuff?) and even someone who is there to talk to and encourage me at the end of the day, but I don't. There are days when that makes me sad, but most days it's ok. Tomorrow is a new day.  I still live a pretty good life and I'm still blessed with a lot of other things.  Being single is not what makes me, me. It is just where I am in my life, and I just happen to be "there" longer than others. I might even be "there" a lot longer, but that's ok, I'm still a functioning human.

So lets make a deal, you won't try to make me feel bad for still being single and I won't brag about still being able to make my own decisions and live my own life. Well actually I probably will.  I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree on this one.

Sincerely,

A Functioning Single

The Single Traveler

I've been single for most of my life, and when you've been single as long as I have, you pretty much know how to do the single life.  I can eat out by myself without feeling awkward, I'm an awesome third-wheel, and I'm perfectly content on being single (about 6 out of 7 days a week).  One thing I had never done though, was to just pick up and go on vacation and make all of my own plans. Until this year.

This year I started out with a journey to London.  It was completely spontaneous, like I decided to go on Tuesday and my flight left Friday night.  Now, I'm not as brave as some to just go somewhere by myself without having somewhere to stay.  Thankfully, I had great friends that let me stay with them on a moments notice (which is also the only reason I could afford the trip) and I love them for that.  It was one of the best decisions I've made in a long time.

I was so happy to spend time with my friends, but then they had to go to work and I had to figure out my days in a city I did not know.  So I picked some spots, figured out my path on the tube and roads, and just went.  It was so exhilarating! Just walking somewhere, not knowing if you will get lost or not, but just walking.  The best part was, if I did get lost, I would just find a map and figure out my way.  I always made it to where I was heading and I was able to go as fast or slow as I wanted, and just walk.  It was one of the most relaxing vacations I'd ever taken, and I kept busy the whole time exploring and walking.

The best revelation of the trip was though, is that I can do this!  I can do this single life stuff!  A part of me already knew that, but to actually go about and do it, just gives you that extra proof that all of us need.  This single life can get discouraging, it can get lonely, and most of all just plain frustrating ("Where are you spouse?!"), but one thing it's not, is it's not impossible.  We can do this!  We can walk through foreign cities and not get lost, we can travel hours on our own, we can stay in hotels by ourselves without crying ourselves to sleep, we can go to weddings and be the only single person there and still have fun!  We can do this!

I am the Single Traveler, just like many hundreds/thousands of others out there.  I can travel on my own and come out just fine, if not better.  I do pray for the day where I will have that special gentleman with me to make those memories and explore new things with me, but until then, I am that Single Traveler that can continue to explore and live this life God has given me.  There is too much out there to see and experience for me to miss it just because I'm single.  So I encourage you to be a Single Traveler.  Explore, create and experience life, because there is so much of it out there.  Take a friend with you or even stay with friends when you can, but never let your singleness get in the way of experiencing God's great Earth. 

Easter Hope

You know those days when it just seems like arrows are being shot at you left and right?  No matter what turn you make, there's another arrow waiting for you to to either put a hole in a plan or to just wound you.  This year has been like that for me. It just hasn't been a great year. 

Now I'm not going to pretend that I have it worse than everyone. I don't.  I'm pretty blessed considering what I've seen a lot of people have in this world. I have people that love me, I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and a few dollars in my pocket that allow me to eat every day. I am blessed, there is no doubt. 

The arrows still have taken their toll though.  I've been fighting the fight of faith.  Really, I feel like I've been fighting for everything.  One of the biggest fight's I've had this year at work was helping plan a large Easter Sunrise Service.  This was my fourth year helping with it, and it was probably the hardest (and that's saying something because I am not a planner so every year is difficult for me).  It wasn't just me though, everyone with the service fought for every plan and decision.  This was not the only difficulty in my life though, there was about 20 other things going on which made it a fight every day to not just lose it.

Then Easter came. I had little sleep, I was praying like crazy and worrying every other minute.  Then a crazy thing happened.  The service went flawlessly. I mean the kind where you keep wondering what you forgot because it's going TOO well, kind of flawless. I hadn't forgotten anything though.  Everything happened when it should. Not only that, it was the best year we've ever had. Record numbers in attendance, people loved the service and the best part of it all is that around 129 people accepted Jesus into their life.  This is the stuff you can't plan, you can only pray for it and watch what God does.  Those are the moments that make every ounce of sleep deprivation, stress and hard work, is worth it.

All of this reminded me that this is what the hope of Easter is all about.  For thousands of years, people had fought the fight of faith, waiting for the promised messiah. Then came Jesus, totally unexpected in an unexpected way, and He set us free.  He did not make new arrows to fire back at the thousands of arrows that were shot at Him.  Instead He created the ultimate shield of faith with words that would helps us fight back with love.  He was not what we wanted, the people wanted a warrior.  He was what we needed. He was the ultimate sacrifice for our sins so that we could have a real relationship with God.  He became our armor, shield, shoes, belt, helmet, sword and even our food and water.  He became our everything we would ever need.

This is my hope.  This is why I will always fight the fight of faith.  This may be a horrible year, but I will not stop fighting.  I may not be perfect at this Christian lifestyle, but I will not give up.  I may have bad days, months or even years, but I have hope in Christ.  And eternity in heaven will cancel out any bad year I have down here.

Easter helped show me some hope in an otherwise difficult year, and even if that hope is only as big as a lit candle, that is all I need to see in the dark.  That is all I need to take the next step of faith and keep fighting. 

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Bible References:  Ephesians 6:10-18, John 6:35, 1 Timothy 6:12, Matthew 26:26-28

Lessons of Rejection

We all experience some type of rejection in our lifetime.  Whether it's a no response to the note you passed in third grade (check yes or no), or that dreaded letter you receive from you university of choice, there is no easy part to rejection.  No matter how many times it happens, there's always that point where the world just seems to crumble around you.  

Some people experience more rejection than others.  Those of us in that category have the process down pat.  We wince in pain when we hear things like "when one door closes, another one opens", we develop plans of distraction so we don't have to think about it so much, and usually we either just tell everyone at once that the rejection happened or we hide it from the world by becoming pros at changing the subject whenever someone asks about it.  

I've become a pro at rejection.  I'm pretty confident that in my lifetime I have received a ton more "no's" then "yes'", but then I'm sure we all feel that way.  I get rejected a lot, but recently I received a rejection that really hit me hard. I'm a pessimist, and so like a any good pessimist, I always prepare for that "no", but when it comes to certain things in life, you can prepare all you want, but as soon as you see it in print, the pain still comes.

The surprising thing is that I think I have learned more from this rejection than any other in my life.  Here's a few things I've learned from rejection. 

•  There is a plan, and you might have no idea what that plan is, and it will probably take 10 years until you can look back and have that "eureka" moment where it all makes sense, but there is a plan.  Jeremiah 29:11 is overused, but it's still true, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'"  He's got a plan, you just have to have faith.

• It's important to have friends around you that don't give you sympathy.  Sympathy won't get you anywhere, but truthful love will.  Personally I respond best to tough love and I am blessed to have people around me that are very good at it.  They gave a word of encouragement and then a second later they asked what plan B was and the timeline for it.  There's a time for mourning and sympathy, but it shouldn't be a long time.  The longer you stay there, the more comfortable you become.  You need to have friends that look you in the eye and tell you to get moving.  If you don't have people around you that do that, you need better friends. 

• The next steps will show you your character.  Do you give up or do you learn from the rejection and move forward?  You might not see the next step in front of you, but you still have to take it.  Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. said "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." 

Rejection is something we all experience.  It's usually considered a bad thing, but honestly it can be the best thing that ever happened to you.  There have been plans that I set up that have been completely shut down on me, and today I can truthfully look back and praise God that they were.   My plan A's have been crushed, but there is always plan B, and then if that doesn't work, there's always C, D, E, F...  Don't let rejection crush you, because most times, it's simply that obstacle that you can overcome, and once you do, you are better for it.  

The New that Never Gets Old.

New beginnings, new chances, new adventures... it's time for a new year.  In our culture, we love new.  A new item comes out and we HAVE to have it (I mean there are lines for the new iPhone...).  New cars, new people, new significant other, new place, we are always looking for that new "new". 

As singles, it's easy to get the new adventures.  We have the freedom to look for a new special someone, new adventure, new job, and even a new location.  But then comes that feeling for something new that we can't always get so easily, the wanting for a spouse and even children.  We see our friends moving to that stage in life, and instead of loving the fact that we can go on vacation on the drop of a dime, we start wanting that companionship and responsibility of taking care of someone else.  That's a new that is (sometimes) out of our reach. 

For some of us that new feeling is a time for, well, something new.  It really could be time for a new job, location, or even to try a new way to meet that someone special.  For others, it's a feeling that we think we need to fill, but really just to overcome.  Either way, that new won't come immediately, which is when a new feeling comes, a feeling of defeat.  You start to feel complacent and frustrated.  You look to fill that feeling with other new stuff.  My favorite is clothes, I mean new clothes makes everything better?!  But then a day later the frustrated feelings are back and we're back to square one.

There is one truth that will help with all of it, God makes all things new.  Lamentations 3:22-23 says, "Through the LORD's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassion fail not.  They are new every morning, great is thy faithfulness." 

God already gives us the new slate, the new adventure, every day He makes us new.  His newness (I know it's not a word, but you know what I mean) is the only "new" that will fill the desire we feel.  He already makes us new every day, we just have to let Him.  The best part of it all?  His new never gets old. 

Happy NEW Year Folks!